Dog on the line

A train from London to Winchester came to a screeching halt the other night and passengers were told there was a dog on the line. The driver got out, picked it up and took it back into his cabin, "It's a Staffordshire bull terrier," he informed the train, "and I'll drop it off at the next station, Wimbledon." There was a 20 minute wait at Wimbledon, which was an unscheduled stop on that service. The train set off once more and the driver explained what had happened: "Apologies for the lengthy delay but the staff at Wimbledon were unwilling to accept the dog as they thought it was a Pit Bull terrier. I managed to persuade them that it was in fact a Staffordshire and they have locked it in a cage at the station overnight."

Jams

My colleague is back from China. He was at Kunming airport, waiting for a flight to Hong Kong when he felt a tremor beneath his seat and it dawned on him that the building may be on the verge of collapse. A few moments later he felt it again and the chandelier in the waiting room (only the Chinese could have chandeliers at airports) swung alarmingly. He texted his wife, "I think I may be in an earthquake!" A few seconds later she replied, "Yes, I've just seen it on the BBC news." He was hundreds of miles away from the epicentre, had no idea of the scale of it and caught his flight. A couple of hours later all the flights were cancelled so he was lucky not to have been stuck there.
Talking of jams, I cut down all my remaining rhubarb and have made 5lb of rhubarb and ginger jam. I added pectin but it still hasn't set. Are there any jam experts out there who know whether reboiling with more pectin will work?

Plantation life

I was remembering my visit some years ago to a tea plantations company in Sri Lanka. We were given tea by a plantation manager in his bungalow on his beautifully manicured estate with its smart white painted fences and immaculately mown emerald green lawns with the tea plantation stretching down the hill below and given a stroke by stroke account of the one day cricket match between Sri Lanka and India. We went on to dine at the plantation managers' supervisor's bungalow which was very similar to the first except that it was twice the size. The supervisor, a rather formal man in his 50s with lanky black hair glued tightly to his head with a mixture of oil and sweat, welcomed us. His wife had a headache, he explained, but would join us for dinner. In the meantime, would we like to see our rooms and join him at our leisure for a drink? The rooms were straight out of the 1970s with vast mosquito nets draped over the beds and ancient copies of Good Housekeeping strwen on rickety side tables. The conversation over drinks was made rather awkward by his trait of saying "Correct" in an abrupt fashion rather than "Yes" and made us feel as if we were contestants on Mastermind, although we seemed to be asking most of the questions. We then heard a door open and a huge old English sheepdog bounded in followed by the plantation managers' supervisor's wife who was about 20, very pretty and absolutely charming. She gushed over us, apologising for her absence and invited us into dinner. She had not known what to serve Europeans, she explained, and so we had a mixture of eggs, spaghetti, lamb curry and salad, all on one plate. It turned out to be a very jolly evening.

Treasure hunt

I went on a treasure hunt with was in fact a shameless marketing drive by Berry Bros. They had 25% off all bin ends but the "treasure" was certain bottles in their warehouse which were marked down 75%. Meanwhile, they'd put out plenty of Berry's Madeira, sherry and port to improve the punters mood and tempt them even further. My hopes of finding cheap Sauternes were dashed there was very little sweet wine on offer. Nevertheless a hugely reduced bottle of Domaine Armand Rousseau, Chambertin Clos du Bezes 2000 made the expedition worthwhile and, yes, I bought the Madeira.

The French invasion

Electricite de France is bidding for British Energy. Remenber that classic question of how to stage a coup? Get hold of the power first.

Chinese proverb of the day

"Do not tear down the east wall to repair the west wall." There is a huge project underway in China to transfer water by canal from the Yangtse river in the rainy south to Tianjin and Beijing in the dry north. It was first proposed by Chairman Mao in 1952 but only got started 50 years later. Critics are questioning whether it will be viable in the long-term as South China is now beginning to experience water shortages. The Three Gorges Damon the Yangtse has been an environmental headache and the Three Gates Gorge dam which was implemented by Mao on the Yellow river was disastrous in terms of water shortages and land disputes. Farmers were evicted and housed in slums in nearby towns. Then the river silted up and industrial overuse reduced its flow causing large areas of arable land to re-emerge and prompting many of the farmers to return to the land to eke out a living. In the mid-80s the Govt relocated large numbers of displaced farmers back to their ancestral homes but allocated them a fraction of the land they’d left two decades earlier. Maybe Mao should have listened to the Western proverb, "The devil is in the detail."

Victory

I have been busy electioneering and am delighted that the Conservative candidate in our St Michael ward, Robert Sanders, was elected last night in place of the LibDems, giving us a hat trick of Conservative councillors. Talking of hats, I have to take mine off to the incumbent councillors, Fiona Mather and Ian Tait whose good work has ensured them a loyal band of supporters and who were assiduous in assisting Robert's campaign. The only disappointment was that the bar at the Guildhall had closed by the time the result was announced so the champagne remains on ice.